The 40 Best Wedding Crashers Quotes Of All Time

The best Wedding Crashers quotes make it easy to see why the 2005 Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson movie is considered by many to be a classic 2000s rom-com. Directed by David Dobkin, Wedding Crashers focuses on Jeremy (Vaughn) and John (Wilson), two divorce mediators who share an unsavory hobby – creating false identities and crashing weddings to find women to sleep with.

The pair, of course, see the error of their ways by the end of Wedding Crashers, but their journey is filled with dozens of hilarious quotes. Many come from supporting characters too, such as Will Ferrell’s Chazz, Keir O’Donnell’s Todd, Islas Fisher’s Gloria, and even Christopher Walken as William Cleary. The best and funniest Wedding Crashers quotes highlight how well-placed each cast member is, and why it’s seen by so many as one of the best comedy movies from the era.

Collage of John McCain, Vince Vaughn, and Jane Seymour in Wedding Crashers.

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40

And Then Everyone Said Jabroni.

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson)

John telling his Jabroni joke in Wedding Crashers

This Wedding Crashers quote comes from the opening montage. It’s the tail end of a joke being told by John, and the punchline has a table full of older male guests roaring with laughter. What the joke was about is anybody’s guess, but “jabroni” is a specific enough nonsense word/cultural reference to make the moment funny for viewers.

39

Of Course, Like All Kids, I Had Imaginary Friends.

Gloria Cleary (Isla Fisher)

Gloria with messy hair talking to Jeremy in Wedding Crashers

Isla Fisher’s Gloria is one of the funniest characters in Wedding Crashers, with her unhinged mannerisms making her more than a match for Vine Vaughn’s Jeremy. All her scenes reveal her quirky personality, though few do so better than her reveling the army of imaginary friends she had as a child.

“Of course, like all kids, I had imaginary friends. But not just one. I had hundreds and hundreds and all of them from different backgrounds who spoke different languages. One of them, his name was Caleb. He spoke a magical language only I could understand. [Starts speaking made-up language]” Gloria Cleary – Wedding Crashers

38

I Almost Nunchucked You; You Don’t Even Realize!

Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell)

Chazz with his nunchucks in Wedding Crashers

Chazz Reinhold is an undisputed highlight of the 2005 movie, and since he’s played by comedy legend Will Ferrell it’s unsurprising he’s responsible for some of the best Wedding Crashers quotes. Telling Jeremy and John he almost “nunchucked” them is among the most hilarious from Ferrell, and echoes his Step Brothers character Brennan Huff.

37

I’m Just Living The Dream.

Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell)

Chazz hugging John in Wedding Crashers

Another laugh-out-loud Wedding Crashers quote from Will Ferrell as Chazz. This particular line works because of Ferrell’s attire while delivering it, as the sight of a middle-aged man who lives with his mom dressed while wearing a kimono and playing with nunchucks telling his friends he’s living “the dream” with total self-deluding sincerity is comedy gold.

36

I’m Not Perfect, But Who Are We Kidding, Neither Are You.

Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)

Gloria looking lustfully at Jeremy in Wedding Crashers

Vince Vaughn has many of the best Wedding Crashers quotes because Jeremy Grey doesn’t hold back when telling others how he feels. That’s what makes this line so great – even when he has a flash of humbling self-awareness, he still can’t resist getting in a sly jab at someone else. To make it all the funnier, this line is said to Gloria as a chat-up line, and it works.

35

We’ve Become Extremely Spiritual Since She Passed

Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)

John and Jeremy get caught in a lie in Wedding Crashers

Many of the funniest Wedding Crashers moments come when John and Jeremy have to think on their feet and lie on the spot. This moment comes early on in the film when they claim to be a friend of a family member who, it turns out, is dead. Jeremy quickly saves himself and his partner from awkwardness by working the death into their backstory – which means pretending he and John are driven by their faith.

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34

I Think He’s On Steroids. It’s Like Trying To Cover A F****** Race Horse.

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson)

Sack playing football in Wedding Crashers

The touch football scene in Wedding Crashers contains several of the funniest quotes and moments in the movie. Among them is the moment Jeremy asks John why he missed a play, and John makes an excuse for himself by claiming that Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper) has unnatural athletic abilities only achievable through performance-enhancing drugs.

33

Call Me “Kitty Kat”.

Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour)

Kathleen undressing for John in Wedding Crashers

Kathleen Cleary trying to seduce John is one of several hilarious sub-plots in Wedding Crashers, and Jane Seymour ensures each line from Kathleen in it is hilarious. One of the funniest is, without a doubt, when she insists that John refer to her as “Kitty Kat”, which he finds incredibly uncomfortable.

32

I Take Maple Syrup And Put A Little Bit In My Hair When I’ve Had A Rough Week.

Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)

Jeremy lectures John about Maple Syrup in Wedding Crashers

Jeremy Grey is one of the funniest characters Vince Vaughn has ever played, and it’s due to his tendency to over-layer his explanations and protests. Among the best examples is this Wedding Crashers quote, when he flips one of John’s metaphors (one that’s specifically about maple syrup) back on him.

“I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?” Jeremy – Wedding Crashers

31

If I Had Any Air In My Lungs, I’d Scream At You.

Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)

Jeremy on the ground in Wedding Crashers

This is another one of the best Wedding Crashers quotes from the touch football game with the Cleary family. Jeremy, who was only roped into attending the event due to John’s insistence, doesn’t hold back when letting his friend know that he’s had just about enough of supporting the endeavor. Like many moments, it’s Vince Vaughn’s delivery that turns the line from humorous to hilarious.

30

Love Doesn’t Exist, That’s What I’m Trying To Tell You Guys.

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson)

John looking heartbroken in Wedding Crashers

This Wedding Crashers quote is hilarious, but only in context. While a depressed, dejected John explaining that he’s given up on love wouldn’t be funny in a vacuum, the fact that in the scene Owen Wilson is explaining this to a bunch of children makes it priceless.

29

This Congregation Really Doesn’t Care About How Depressing Your Life Is, John.

Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper)

Sack and Claire in Wedding Crashers

Bradley Cooper’s Wedding Crashers character, Sack Lodge, is abusive and unlikable. While this doesn’t make for any funny moments when his venom is directed at Claire (Rachel McAdams), the same can’t be said for the times that John is the victim.

28

Wow, They Feel Really Nice. Real Orb-Like.

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson)

Kathleen trying to seduce John in Wedding Crashers

This line is delivered with perfect comedic awkwardness by Owen Wilson, and one of several hilarious Wedding Crashers quotes from the moment that Kathleen finally gets John alone. Her asking him to compliment her breasts should have been a steamy moment for her, but John’s lack of enthusiasm and overly clinical appraisal killed any spark of passion she was feeling.

27

You Ready For Some Football? You Want The Noise Brought On You Because Here It Comes.

Flip (Caron Elrod)

Jeremy confused by Chip in Wedding Crashers

Caron Elrod’s Flip is a minor character in Wedding Crashers, though he’s responsible for more than one of the funniest quotes due to his over-enthusiasm during the touch football game. This, combined with his shaky understanding of common idioms, makes lines like “you want the noise brought on you” laugh-out-loud funny.

26

I’d Like To Be Pimps From Oakland Or Cowboys From Arizona But It’s Not Halloween.

John Beckwith (Owen Wilson)

John and Jeremy arguing in Wedding Crashers

Many of the best Wedding Crashers quotes emerge later in the movie once John and Jeremy’s friendship is put to the test. Among them is this moment when John has to remind his wedding-crashing partner that outlandish characters and personas aren’t going to work on the Cleary sisters. The implication that the pair have, at some point in the past, pretended to be both the examples given makes it all the funnier.

25

Todd, That’s Good! Tell That Mean Ocean!

William Cleary (Christopher Walken)

Todd yelling at the sea in Wedding Crashers

The relationship between U.S. Secretary of the Treasury (William Cleary) and his odd son Todd (Keir O’Donnell) is among the funniest sub-plots in Wedding Crashers. This quote is incredibly memorable both because of Christopher Walken’s inimitable delivery and because it shows that Todd’s antisocial personality isn’t due to lack of parental encouragement – despite his claims otherwise.

24

Yeah! Crabcakes And Football. That’s What Maryland Does!

Flip (Caron Elrod)

Chip yelling about Maryland in Wedding Crashers

This is another hilarious Wedding Crashers quote from Flip. It’s one of many hilarious lines of dialogue in the 2005 movie that requires very little explanation. The sight of Flip yelling at the top of his lungs about his home state, much to the bemusement of Jeremy and John, is more-or-less guaranteed to secure a laugh from viewers.

23

That Was My First Asian!

Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)

John and Jeremy share a joke in Wedding Crashers

Several moments in Wedding Crashers haven’t aged well (as is the case with many raunchy 2000s comedies). This line out of context seems like one of them. However, it’s not the quote itself that’s funny – it’s Vince Vaughn’s delivery, with Jeremy not realizing just how crass he’s being, and Owen Wilson’s look of visible discomfort upon hearing it, as John clearly does.

Collage of Bradley Cooper, Owen Wilson, and Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers.

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22

And We Were Faithful For Two Of Them.

Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour)

John gets hit on by Kathleen in Wedding Crashers

It’s Jane Seymour’s delivery that makes this Wedding Crashers quote from Kathleen Cleary one of the funniest. John asks Kathleen how many years she’s been married, and is impressed that it’s been almost 30. However, the moment quickly becomes unwholesome when she informs him that it was only two years into their relationship that they started having extramarital encounters – a revelation that comes almost before John ahs finished his sentence.

21

Rollin’ A Fatty?

Little Boy (Unknown)

Vince Vaughn showing some children a piece of paper in Wedding Crashers

One of many Wedding Crashers quotes that’s funny without any explanation needed, and one that involves John or (in this case) Jeremy talking to kids at a wedding. When asking the kids if they know what a tiny piece of paper he’s about to use for a magic trick is for, one child suggests it’s for rolling cannabis – much to the audience’s amusement and Jeremy’s utter shock.