20 Best Quotes From Guy Ritchie’s Snatch

Summary

• Snatch
  has a mix of crime dialogue and funny one-liners, making it a cult success with memorable quotes.
• Guy Ritchie’s film showcases an ensemble cast with quotable dialogue, securing his career in writing and directing.
• The movie features various characters from the criminal underworld of London, resulting in a gritty and hilarious romp, and almost the entire cast has at least one unforgettable
  Snatch
  quote.

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The best Snatch quotes provide the perfect mix of crime dialogue and funny one-liners that has made the British movie a lasting cult success. The Guy Ritchie movie interweaves various stories about nefarious characters operating in London’s criminal underworld. There are the struggling boxing promoters, multiple ruthless gangsters, several inept ones, a deadly Russian, and one very hungry dog. All these stories crash into one another, making for a gritty and hilarious romp with some memorable one-liners.

One of Guy Ritchie’s best movies, Snatch wonderfully plays on characters and includes roles for some of his most frequent collaborators, like Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones, as well as some Hollywood A-listers like Brad Pitt and Benicio Del Toro. Each of the characters gets their moment to shine, and the quotable dialogue throughout Snatch makes them all stand out even more. From intimidating speeches to funny insults to dry British wit, the best Snatch quotes both secured Guy Ritchie’s career as a writer-director and ensured the movie is still regularly viewed decades after its release in 2000.

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20 “He Tells People He Was Named After A Gun But I Know He Was Really Named After A Famous 19th-Century Ballet Dancer.”

Turkish (Jason Statham)

Memorable Snatch quotes start from the moment the movie begins, with even the opening voiceover containing some classic Guy Ritchie humor and slickness that’s near-impossible to forget. As Turkish (Jason Statham) introduces the audience to the story and Snatch‘s main characters with his opening narration in the movie, he explains the origins of his name. He then moves on to his partner, and explains that Tommy’s name isn’t derived from quite as classically tough a source as he pretends that it is.

This introductory line became one of the most memorable quotes in Snatch both because it prepares the audience for what to expect from Tommy.

Tommy (Stephen Graham) being inexperienced and softer than he acts is a running theme throughout the movie. This introductory line became one of the most memorable quotes in Snatch both because it prepares the audience for what to expect from Tommy incredibly well, while also establishing the overall sense of humor of the British gangster movie.

19 “As Bent As The Soviet Sickle And As Hard As The Hammer That Crosses It.”

Turkish (Jason Statham)

The characters in Snatch, like many of Guy Ritchie’s gangster movies, play into a lot of crime film stereotypes. While this can be problematic at points, having Jason Staham introduce them all through voiceovers in Snatch also leads to some of the best quotes in the movie. Boris The Blade is a major driving force behind the events in the Snatch story, as he’s one of the main characters attempting to play various interested parties off of one another in order to acquire the coveted stolen diamond.

As Boris is introduced by Turkish’s narration, he gives the audience this colorful description which sums up the hardened Russian very well all things considered. It’s as fitting as it is hilarious, as Boris proves himself to be one of the toughest characters in an ensemble filled with tough characters.

18 “It’s A F****** Anti-Aircraft Gun, Vincent.”

Sol (Lennie James)

The ensemble cast of characters in Snatch are all memorable in their own way. While Jason Statham’s narration is the source of some of the most memorable lines, the interactions between the other characters also lead to many of the funniest Snatch quotes. In the first of several failed plans by the mini gang of Sol (Lennie James), Vinny (Robbie Gee), and Tyrone (Ade), the crew attempts to rob a bookie and bring the required ordinance with them.

Vinny shows off what he’s got for the job, a large tactical shotgun, prompting Sol to respond with this humorously incredulous Snatch quote. It’s far more firepower than they need and, in the end, it makes little difference to the plan’s success as it ends up in the hands of one of the bookie’s employees anyway. Like many of the best quotes in the movie, Lennie James’ delivery really sells this particular quote from Snatch, as his over-pronunciation of Vincent’s name is reminiscent of a parent disciplining a child and, as such, absolutely priceless.

17 “It’s An Unlicensed Boxing Match. It’s Not A Tickling Competition.”

Turkish (Jason Statham)

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Jason Statham isn’t only responsible for many of the best Snatch quotes when he’s narrating events for the audience in a voice-over, as Turkish also has an incredibly unique way with words when speaking to other characters in the movie — especially Tommy. Though they are partners in crime, Turkish wastes no opportunity to point out Tommy’s naivety and ignorance.

Turkish and Tommy have a unique relationship, with Tommy consistently being exasperated by Turkish’s lack of understanding in various situations. He is like an impatient parent trying to teach his young son something. Given how frequently he has to do this, Tommy doesn’t always have patience when it comes to explaining things to Turkish either. When Tommy questions whether the bare-knuckle boxers are really allowed to headbutt each other, Turkish offers this hilarious confirmation that tells Tommy just how out of his depth he is. It also sets the stage for plenty of violence to come.

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16 “Bonjour!”

Bullet-Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones)

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Vinnie Jones is a frequent collaborator of Guy Ritchie’s, and the director knows how to use the unique actor to his full potential — especially in Snatch, as it’s impossible to imagine the character of Bullet Tooth Tony played by anyone else. Returning from the cast of Guy Ritchie’s first movie Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, former footballer turned actor Vinnie Jones plays the formidable Bullet Tooth Tony. Tony is a hardened enforcer in the criminal underworld of London who has a reputation similar to Boris’ for being unkillable.

It is an unexpected moment that shows the off-kilter humor of the movie.

Tony is introduced in the movie as he’s seen bashing an unknown person’s head in a car door, mirroring a similar moment from the finale of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. When he hears the phone ringing in his car, he stops his violent assault and answers the phone with a friendly, “Bonjour!” It is an unexpected moment that shows the off-kilter humor of the movie that makes it so much fun.

15 “Oh, In Case We Have To Deafen Them To Death?”

Vinny (Robbie Gee)

There is always something entertaining about stupid criminals in movies, and Snatch has plenty of them. Vinny and Sol may not be the most prominent characters, though they are among the funniest. They have some similarities to the relationship between Tommy and Turkish — although Vinny and Sol have qualities of each, with both being somewhat naive and both thinking they know better than the other.

Vinny points out the obvious stupidity in the plan, as the sound of the “bang” won’t matter if there aren’t any actual shots fired.

As a part of another of the movie’s several botched robberies, Sol acquires some replica guns so that they can look like they actually plan to kill someone without having to carry real firearms. Vinny is unimpressed, but Sol justifies his purchase by saying that he bought extra loud blanks. Vinny points out the obvious stupidity in the plan, as the sound of the “bang” won’t matter if there aren’t any actual shots fired.

14 “Now… F*** Off.”

Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones)

This line on its own doesn’t seem all that memorable, but it comes at the end of a long (and incredibly, incredibly expletive filled speech) that is one of the best in Snatch, delivered perfectly by the inimitable Vinnie Jones, and the final three words for terrific punctuation:

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Now, d***s have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell p***y and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old p***y, and have brought your two little mincey f****t balls along for a good old time. But you’ve got your parties muddled up. There’s no p***y here, just a dose that’ll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you’ve got “Replica” written down the side of your guns, and the fact that I’ve got “Desert Eagle point five O” written on the side of mine should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now… f**k off!

Armed with the replica gun, Sol, Vinny, and Tyrone enter a bar with the intention of robbing Bullet Tooth Tony as they catch him unaware. However, with three guns aimed at his face, Tony sits down at a table with his beer and proceeds to intimidate the would-be thugs.

Tony doesn’t even see these petty crooks as worth killing.

Tony calls out the three men for gradually losing their nerve with each passing second and the fear in their eyes proves that Tony is correct in this assessment. He then ends the meeting by pointing out that their guns read “Replica” whereas his reads “Desert Eagle .50.” Instead of killing the men where they stand, Tony simply ends his threatening speech by telling them to “F*** off” which they promptly do. It is a funny moment showing Tony’s weariness after the long day and the fact that Tony doesn’t even see these petty crooks as worth killing.

13 “What’s Happening With Them Sausages, Charlie?”

Turkish (Jason Statham)

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Just like Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham is a frequent collaborator with Guy Ritchie, and the director is just as equally adept at casting him in perfect roles for his unique delivery. Statham returned to Guy Ritchie’s world recently after a long absence as part of the cast of Operation Fortune and Wrath of Man, but their working relationship goes back years. Ritchie helped discover Statham in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and returns in Snatch as Turkish, adding a blue-collar charm.

One such part is that of Charlie, someone who apparently works for Turkish (Statham). As Turkish goes about his business, Charlie is off to the side making sausages. However, every time Turkish asks about the progress on the food, Charlie replies “Two minutes, Turkish.” It’s a pointless aside but adds strange humor to the scene.

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12 “Why Do They Call Him The Bullet-Dodger?”

Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina)

Cousin Avi is an interesting character in Snatch because, as an American criminal simply visiting London to rectify a botched situation, he’s somewhat unaware of many of the unique customs and slang-terms of the British criminal underworld. One such example that leads to a hilarious moment in Snatch is London criminals’ propensity for nicknames for one-another. Even in a world filled with dangerous characters, Boris’s reputation makes him very feared. When Tony and Avi (Dennis Farina) find out that Boris is the one who has the diamond, Tony is worried and reveals Boris has an ominous nickname, “Boris the Bullet-Dodger”.

When Avi asks why he’s called that, Tony simply replies “Because he dodges bullets, Avi.” There are a lot of characters in Snatch with memorable nicknames, from Doug the Head to Brick Top to Bullet Tooth Tony himself. It makes the moment even funnier when Avi finally questions one of these nicknames and is given the most obvious explanation.

11 “Shut Up And Sit Down, You Big, Bald F***.”

Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina)

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The late-great Dennis Farina has an exceptional talent for playing hilariously blunt tough guys, and this talent led to one of the best quotes in Snatch. He was frightening and funny all at once, and there was nothing funnier than when he started laying into someone. As Avi, a stressed-out American crime lord, Farina steals many of the scenes.

It makes it seem as though Avi appeared out of thin air to deliver this insult.

After learning that his coveted diamond was stolen, he tells his British associate that he’s coming to sort out this mess. As soon as Avi is in London, he greets Doug with this aggressive line. The moment is made funnier by the quickly edited sequences of Avi leaving America and flying to London. It makes it seem as though Avi appeared out of thin air to deliver this insult. The line is especially funny since it’s delivered to Doug who, in his own right, is a feared criminal in London. It shows just how little Avi cares about the reputation of his UK associates in their native land, and that he views activities outside the US as somehow beneath him.

10 “So, Who The F*** Wants To See Them?”

Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina)

Avi seems like a character who could be the main character of his own movie. The American gangster is immediately out of place in London and wants nothing more than to leave the country behind as soon as he steps foot there. In his anger, he explains to Doug the Head that he doesn’t want to leave his home unless he’s going somewhere with nice sandy beaches.

Doug assures Avi that England has beaches, but Avi is less than impressed by the suggestion. Avi’s hatred of England is a running joke in the movie which Guy Ritchie seems to have a lot of fun embracing. It’s also especially funny because, in reality, there are some incredibly nice beaches in the UK, though they’re proportionally far scarcer on the UK coast than they are in the US. Doug seems to take Avi’s dismissal of the UK coast personally too, and the idea that a British gangster is self-conscious about the countries coastline is priceless.

9 “I Thought You Said He Was A Getaway Driver. What The F*** Can He Get Away From, Eh?”

Vinny (Robbie Gee)

Yet another storyline in Snatch follows three low-level criminals — Vinny, Tyrone, and Sol — and their play to steal the diamond. Of all the criminals in Snatch, these three are the ones in most over their heads, and they quickly realize that they’ve stepped into a level of criminal activity that’s far above them (and much more dangerous than they’re used to). However, their ineptitude and panic also mean they have some of the funniest quotes in Snatch.

The trio quickly proves to be useless as outlaws, but that is especially true of their getaway driver, Tyrone. The massive man is clumsy and a bad driver to boot. As Tyrone struggles to get himself out of the car, Vinny points out the obvious, asking why they’ve chosen a getaway driver that is so slow. While it is a meanspirited insult, it doesn’t seem like Tyrone is very motivated to move fast even given the circumstances.

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8 “I Thought This Country Spawned The F****** Language, And So Far Nobody Seems To Speak It.”

Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina)

Once again, it is Avi’s complete contempt for the country he is visiting that makes for one of the funniest quotes in Snatch. He is a fish out of water and wants nothing more than to finish the job so he can go home. Just like the many nicknames the London criminals seem to have, Avi is also somewhat overwhelmed by the high levels of slang-terms and colloquialisms that they use to communicate.

It’s another funny moment of Avi’s rage as well as a nod to those American critics who have a hard time understanding the dialogue in Ritchie’s films.

As Tony explains the situation to him, Avi becomes frustrated with the British slang. He complains, “I thought this country spawned the f****** language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.” It’s another funny moment of Avi’s rage as well as a nod to those American critics who have a hard time understanding the dialogue in Ritchie’s films.

7 “You Can Call Me Susan If It Makes You Happy.”

Bullet-Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones)

After his memorable entrance in Snatch, Bullet-Tooth Tony wastes little time in stealing the show. Vinnie Jones has an incredibly unique delivery, and he truly makes the character of Bullet Tooth Tony his own, with a unique blend of being completely menacing and yet, somehow, incredibly charming toward his employers. This doesn’t mean that he’s a sycophant though, and as this Snatch quote shows, it’s more than he manages to make being unashamedly cheeky also incredibly endearing.

Even a character as blunt and insulting as Cousin Avi seems to have some reverence for Tony as soon as he meets him. Getting to know each other, Avi asks if he should call him “Bullet” or “Tooth” whereas Tony quickly proves that he is not overly concerned with proper greetings and is more of a man of business. It establishes Tony as one of the coolest characters in a terrific ensemble.

6 “Hence The Expression, ‘As Greedy As A Pig.'”

Brick Top (Alan Ford)

Along with being funny, Snatch is one of the best gangster movies of the 2000s. The most ruthless gangster in Snath is, without a doubt, the fearsome Brick Top (Alan Ford) who hires Turkish to set up a boxing match for him and ensure that Turkish’s fighter goes down during the fight. Brick Top has a nasty reputation and Turkish knows he’s not a man he wants to cross.

By the time his lesson is over, the men know what kind of danger they are in.

When Brick Top hunts down the thugs responsible for robbing his bookie office, he shows how terrifying he can be. In a very calm manner, he explains to the men that the best way to dispose of a body is to feed it to pigs, as pigs will eat anything. By the time his lesson is over, the men know what kind of danger they are in.

5 “Heavy Is Good, Heavy Is Reliable. If It Doesn’t Work, You Can Always Hit Them With It.”

Boris (Rade Serbedzija)

While Boris the Bullet Dodger may be the subject of more memorable Snatch quotes than the source of them, he does have one or two hilarious lines in the Guy Ritchie gangster movie. Along with being an unstoppable thug, Boris is also an arms dealer, selling guns to a number of key characters throughout Snatch. However, he is maybe not the most trustworthy salesman, as his guns seem to have a tendency of not working at all. One of Boris’ duped customers is Tommy.

This Snatch quote is made all the funnier because the audience can clearly see it’s the work of a conman, but to the naive Tommy it only seems to sweeten the deal.

Wanting to be seen as tough, Tommy is willing to buy the biggest gun, even if Boris’ sales pitch isn’t the most convincing. While a heavy gun might have advantages, using it to hit someone probably means things didn’t go as planned. This Snatch quote is made all the funnier because the audience can clearly see it’s the work of a conman, but to the naive Tommy it only seems to sweeten the deal.

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4 “Yes, London. You Know: Fish, Chips, Cup ‘O Tea, Bad Food, Worse Weather, Mary F***ing Poppins… London!”

Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina)

While there are certainly wackier characters in the movie, Cousin Avi is in the running as the funniest of Snatch‘s ensemble for his relentless frustration at simply having to be in London. However, even the points in the story when he’s still happily in the US have some incredibly funny moments. A lot of that humor comes from Avi’s short temper, as he can switch from being in good spirits to boiling with rage in seconds.

One of the best Cousin Avi quotes in Snatch comes after learning that the diamond has been stolen and is secure in London. Avi takes a moment to happily share the news. However, being required to repeat himself too many times, he angrily offers this simplistic take on the city. It seems that Avi didn’t have a high opinion of London even before he was forced to visit.

3 “Have I Made Myself Clear, Boys?”

Mickey (Brad Pitt)

The success of Lock, Stock meant that Ritchie was able to secure some bigger names for his second feature. Certainly, the biggest name in the movie is Brad Pitt giving a hilarious performance as Mickey, a tough-as-nails bare-knuckle boxer. In a hilarious use of the superstar actor, Mickey’s thick accent and quick style of talking make it impossible to understand what he’s saying.

The gimmick is used to great comedic effect, such as when Mickey goes on a long rant about his demands to Turkish only for Turkish to be totally lost by what he just said. While Snatch isn’t Brad Pitt’s most successful movie in terms of box-office gross (though it by no means underperformed), Micky is by far one of his most memorable roles, and many who see the movie are genuinely amazed at just how well he performs in it given that it’s so detached from his other appearances.

2 “Protection From What? ‘Zee Germans?'”

Turkish (Jason Statham)

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The majority of the characters in Snatch are tough guys who can deal with the very violent world they find themselves in. However, Tommy is an outlier in that sense. As Turkish’s right-hand man, Tommy is the kind of guy who likes to act tough to cover up for his fear. Tommy gets a hard time from everyone in the films, especially Turkish.

It’s a small moment, but Turkish continues to tease Tommy with “zee German” remarks later in the film.

When he shows up with a brand-new gun in his trousers, Turkish is quick to poke fun at his attempts to be a gangster. It’s especially hilarious to Tommy since the gun that Turkish has aquired is something of an antique, which is partly where this particular insult stems from, as it’s a reference to the Second World War and the paranoia felt in the UK that the Nazi forces would eventually stage a land invasion. It’s a small moment, but Turkish continues to tease Tommy with “zee German” remarks later in the film.

1 “What Do You Mean ‘Look In The Dog?'”

Bullet-Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones)

The character that seems to cause the most mayhem in the movie is the dog, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier who is eventually given the name of “Daisy”, but it simply referred to as “the dog” throughout most of Snatch. Given to the thug Vinnie by Mickey’s crew, the dog proves to be a menace, eating and chewing anything or anyone in sight. When Avi and Tony track the missing diamond to Vinny and his friends, they begin to suspect the dog must have eaten the missing diamond.

Avi, obviously not a dog lover, tells Tony to “look in the dog” and “open him up.” Tony might be a killer, but even that is a little too much for him. Shocked, he points out, “It’s not as if it’s a tin of baked beans!” Luckily, the dog manages to escape before Tony harms it. That being said, Tony’s reaction also makes it highly doubtful he would have actually harmed the animal had the ending of Snatch gone differently.

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Snatch is a comedic crime film by director Guy Ritchie that centers on several different groups of characters’ paths that begin to cross after a missing diamond becomes central to their stories. From a fight promoter trying to make pay his bookie to a group of inept bank robbers that fumble a bookkeeping heist, a stolen diamond ends up in the stomach of a dog, setting off a hectic chain of violent but darkly comedic events.

Director Guy Ritchie Release Date January 19, 2001 Cast Benicio Del Toro , Jason Statham , Lennie James , Alan Ford , Stephen Graham , Dennis Farina , Brad Pitt , Vinnie Jones Runtime 102 minutes Studio(s) Sony

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Category: Entertainment